What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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