What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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