What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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