What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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