What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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