What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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