What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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