What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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