What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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