What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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