What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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