What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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