What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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