What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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