What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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