What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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