What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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