What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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