What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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