What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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