What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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