What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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