What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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