What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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