What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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