What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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