What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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