What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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