What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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