What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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