What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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