What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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