What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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