What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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