What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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