What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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