What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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