What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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