What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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