What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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