What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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