What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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