What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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