What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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