What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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