What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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