What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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