What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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