What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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