What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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