What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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