What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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