What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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