What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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