What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?

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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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