What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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