What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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