What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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