What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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