What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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