What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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