What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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