What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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