What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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