What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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