What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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