What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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