What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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