What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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