What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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