What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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