What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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