What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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