What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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