What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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