What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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