What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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