What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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