What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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