What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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