What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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