What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.

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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.

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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.

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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.

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