What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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