What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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