What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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