What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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