What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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