What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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