What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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