What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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