What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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