What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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