What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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