What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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