What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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