What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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