What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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