What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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