What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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