What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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