What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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