What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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