What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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