What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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