What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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