What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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