What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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