What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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