What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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