What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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