What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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