What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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