What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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