What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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