What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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