What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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