What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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