What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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