What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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