What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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