What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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