What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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