What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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