What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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