What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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