What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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