What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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