What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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