What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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