What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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