What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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