What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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