What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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