What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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