What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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