What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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