What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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