What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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