What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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