What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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