What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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