What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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