What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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