What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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