What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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