What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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