What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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