What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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