What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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