What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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