What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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