What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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