What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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