What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Can you use pink,yellow and green in a sentence?

. The phone went green green, and I pinked it up and said yellow.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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