What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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