What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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