What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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