What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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