What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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