What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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