What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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