What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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