What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.

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