What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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