What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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