What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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