What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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A seal walks into a club...
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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