What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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