What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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