What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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