What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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