What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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