What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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