What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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