What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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