What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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