What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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