What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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