What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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