What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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