What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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