What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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