What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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