What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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