What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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