What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.

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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.

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