What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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