What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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