What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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