What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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