What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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