What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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