What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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