What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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