What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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