What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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