What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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