What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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