What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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