What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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