What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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