What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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