What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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