What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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