What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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