What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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