What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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