What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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