What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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