What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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