What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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