What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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