What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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