What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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