What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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