What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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