What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.

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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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