What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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