What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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