What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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