What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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