What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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