What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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