What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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