What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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