What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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A seal walks into a club...
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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