What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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