What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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