What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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