What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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