What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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