What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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